Is Your RelationShip Toxic?

When Donald Trump recently spoke out about his opinion on what constitutes abuse - any form of abuse that isn’t physical violence isn’t abuse – it begs the question, what is acceptable behaviour in a relationship and how do we differentiate between emotional abuse and just jerky behaviour?

Throw bombs on it

Sometimes relationships can move pretty quickly, especially when you’re in the early hedonistic us against the world phase, although sometimes that can be a warning sign. If you feel like it’s moving too fast and your other half is practically writing your wedding vows and you are lagging behind out of breath this could be an indicator he or she wants to trap or control you in the relationship.

‘Love- bombing’ is a phase that makes you feel special, like its kismet. They shower you with compliments and say you’re the only one who understands them - unlike their ex - the constant calls and texts make you feel wanted and thought about and not see the hidden agenda behind the masses of ‘affection'. This kind of behaviour can be flattering but unless their intentions are sincere it can be a game to reel you in. 

Hook line and sinker

Once you’re hooked by the bombardment of affection they begin to yo-yo between cruel insults and being seemingly really loving. This leaves you in a permanent state of flux leaving you bewildered as to how you are meant to feel or react causing you to start questing yourself. 

They will begin to dress up control as being concerned, 'I only keep ringing because I was worried about you' translation to I want to keep tabs on you. You might panic in case you miss a call fearing he will become ‘upset’. When you are beginning to modify your behaviour to suit his (or her) mood then it’s clear something isn’t right. 

It all happens gradually and things you wouldn’t normally worry about become an issue... 'Should I have called to say I was going to be another hour with my friend? I don’t want him to worry'… This can be emotionally draining. Seeing friends and family when you have a partner like this can be a struggle. They can talk bad about your friends saying they are no good for you, or why don’t you want to spend time with me?  This makes you feel guilty and to avoid any issues, ultimately isolate yourself by not going to see people.

Crazy in love

Every relationship has problems and rows sometimes, its normal. Disagreeing is normal. Beginning to doubt your own thoughts is not. They may begin to make you question your own reality which will make you disorientated and not trust yourself. They might tell others you are losing it. This will lay the foundations for excusing their behaviour making you appear unhinged. The ongoing mind trickery will make it easier for their control to work on you. 

Lose yourself

Realising your worth and how you deserve to be treated can be difficult to figure out but what would you say to a friend if they said their significant other made them feel constantly on edge and questioned them routinely? No one should make you feel bad intentionally. No one should project their insecurities against you, especially if they claim to love you. 

There is no ambiguity with violence if someone hits you it’s obvious, the mark is there to see, it’s clearly wrong. With emotional abuse, it can be hard to tell when it’s happening. Having experienced both, they are equally as damaging. If you are made to feel bad and something doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t. Speak to someone close and get their view because sometimes when you are too deep in a relationship it can be hard to see what’s going on and easier to make excuses for them. Don’t keep quiet, speak to someone because it’s your emotional well-being that’s on the line. Don’t lose yourself to someone else.

Words by Clair Exley